There's a question that has bothered me for a long time. Why do people hate me?
Last
night I had something called a lucid dream. In case you've never heard
about it, here's a quick explanation. Lucid dreaming is when you are
asleep and dreaming, but can control the dream you're having. You can
basically conciously change what's happening in your dream. Everyone has
them at some point of their lives, but I've practised it for some time
now, so I get them pretty often.
Anyway, I was in the
middle of a nightmare. I was sitting at a table, and another girl was
sitting on my left side. There was a huge assembley of people in front of
us. It was like a dating game of some sort. If you were interested in
one of us, you came forward and just talked to us -- I know, what a lame
dream. How does my brain even come up with this stuff? xD
But that's
not the point. The point is, nobody ever came up to me. I sat there and
waited. It was like hours passed. Until I realized I was dreaming
(because like I mentioned, what a stupid dream). I looked at all of the
people, and then at the girl. She was prettier, skinnier, taller than me. Of course they would rather talk to her. I felt
awful, even though I knew it wasn't real.
There was a
board behind us, showing how many "points" we had gathered. The other
girl had 300-something. Me: none. I was about to cry, but then I
remembered, this is not real.
Take a risk for once. So I stood up. On my chair. I grabbed a microphone (don't ask me how). I said
something like: "Has anyone here planned on speaking to me?" The crowd
was all silent. "Good", I said. "Now that we have that sorted, I won't
waste your time any longer. Thank you for having me and giving me such a
wonderful time here." And then I grabbed my bag and walked through the
masses. To be honest, I felt like a queen.
I wish I
could be myself and feel like a queen in real life too. I think that's what everyone of us want to feel about ourselves. I'm working on it every day. Right
now it's scary to talk, but you have no idea how much I wish I could. People aren't quiet because they don't
want to talk. I would actually love to have hour long conversations
about the origins of the name ketchup! But I'm too scared! We should never make assumptions about others, and we should never let people make assumptions about us. I know people don't really hate me, because they have no reason to. It's taken a while for me to understand that. Maybe I'm not the only one who's scared.
I used to ask myself why people hated me, because I always assumed they did. Which was wrong.
If I haven't
done anything wrong, then why am I always lonely? Is it my face, my
weight, my natinonality, my religion, my family? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Am
I not worth to be spoken to? As a little sixth grader,
I was really mad about this. Why was I always the last one chosen into a
team in gym class? Why was I the one nobody wanted to be with in group
assignments?
Now I know it doesn't matter. Humans are strange. They think someone is acting in a specific way because of some specific reason, but a lot of the time, we're wrong. The whole world isn't going to like us. No matter how rich, famous, goodhearted, beautiful, wise -- there will be people who want to change us. Why? I don't know, and I don't need to, because the most important thing is that we love ourselves and the people around us. Unconditionally.
Let's not make assumptions, let's not judge, let's not be afraid. Let's be fearless and strong. We need to accept
each other and ourselves. We need to be kind to each other and take care
of each other. We need to raise our voices for the ones who can't.
We can change the world one uplifting word at a time.
Have a happy weekend,
Em :)
